Navigating intimacy when living with breast cancer

How does breast cancer affect intimacy? 

Intimacy is the act of having a close or romantic relationship with someone. When diagnosed with breast cancer, or undergoing treatment for it, being intimate with a partner or loved one may take a back seat.¹

It may be that you don’t feel like being intimate, or that changes to your body are making it difficult or less interesting. These feelings may be caused by the cancer itself or because of side effects of treatment. ²

Some people living with breast cancer may wish to reconnect with their intimate side, while others may be happy putting it to one side. There is no right or wrong way to feel. 

If you are looking to reconnect in an intimate way, you may find the information below helpful. As always, make sure you speak with your doctor or healthcare team regarding any medical concerns you may have. 

Ways to feel closer to your partner and support intimacy when living with breast cancer

Clearly communicate your feelings and needs 

It may feel difficult talking about intimacy, but it’s important to be as open and honest as possible. Let your partner or loved one know how you are feeling and what you want from them regarding intimacy. If there are any things that you feel uncomfortable talking about, then try writing them down in a note or sending a text message or email.²

As your relationship with breast cancer changes, your views on intimacy may change too. Make sure you and your partner keep in touch with each other on how you are feeling so you are both aware of each other’s needs and wants.²

Find ways to be intimate that suit you

Some people assume intimacy must involve sex, but this isn’t quite right.³ There are different ways you can be close to your partner without having sex. These include holding hands, hugging, and kissing.²

There may be other ways you feel close and intimate with them too – these may be specific things you enjoy. It’s important to talk to each other about what feels right based on how you are feeling.²

Involve your partner in your care

Bringing your partner into conversations about your treatment and care could potentially help you feel closer. Through these conversations, they may be able to better understand what you’re going through and what you need from them moving forward. 

Speaking about the important of involving partners in the care pathway, Dr. Gabriella De Benedetta, a Psychologist and Psychotherapist at a cancer centre in Naples, Italy, says: 

“When a patient is in a relationship, the impact of the diagnosis inevitably affects the partner as well. It would, therefore, be appropriate to involve them from the very beginning, having them participate in the diagnostic consultation that precedes the start of treatment.”

If intimacy has taken a back seat because of breast cancer, it’s important to speak with your doctor. It may feel awkward to start these conversations but remember you’re not alone. Your doctor will be able to give you advice and support to help you manage any side effects you’re experiencing and get you feeling more like yourself again. 

Remember to keep communicating with your loved one too, so they can understand what you are thinking and feeling.